It has been revealed that a a non-drug taker, who recently attended his first rave, had no idea why people were being so friendly and is said to have been “freaked out” by the whole experience.

Eighteen year old Josh Wood, from Devon, England, was on a week-long trip to London with “the lads” when they decided to visit local nightclub Fabric to experience a “proper club”, as oppose the bog-standard Friday ritual of Wetherspoons and Oceana.

“If I’m honest it was a bit fucking weird in there,” admitted Josh. “We arrived at eleven and it was completely empty. When it did fill up, it was like hobo central. There was no dress code. People were like, in trainers, shorts, vests and t-shirts. We thought seeing as we were in the Big Smoke, everybody would be in designer gear. Prada, Gucci and that. We all wore our best shirts hoping to impress, but ended up looking like right outsiders.

“After a few Stellas I tried to chat up some girl but she was there with her boyfriend. Back home that would usually warrant me a smack in the gob so I was bracing myself for a fight but this bloke offered me a sip of his water and asked if I was having a good night. What the fuck was that about? I thought I was being lured into some sort of honeytrap.”

Daniel Tompkins, finds out what he made of it all, “Fabric was shit mate,” he said aggressively. “There was no banter or anything. It was like watching a bunch of zombies in a dark room. Those who did speak to me were acting like they’d known me for years and wanted to be my best mate. I couldn’t get my head around any of it.”

“I don’t think I’ll be coming back here again,” confessed Josh. “It was a shit hole, full of sweaty buffoons. It seemed like one song was on repeat for the whole night too. Give me Plymouth nightlife and two-for-one drinks offers in Wetherspoons any day of the week.”